Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Great Sadness

This just in at 11:52 a.m.: TennTech just called me and they have her a dorm room and a room mate. This is what I've been praying for all week. Praise God! Lawnmower Man is loading up the car with the pink and brown comforter, the mini fridge and the rug as I write this. We're off in just a few! Now go on and read my crazy blog post and laugh....I'm here all week!

I know that is a line is from the book, The Shack, which I did not like by the way. And I assure you that I’m not trying to be overly dramatic and I’m not trying to say that my firstborn child leaving for college is the same thing as someone having their child abducted…because it’s not. I know that. But I don’t have any other words to describe my feelings today. I’m sad. Like wanna go to bed tonight and not get out of bed tomorrow kind of sad.

It’s not my child is going to mother’s day out for the first time kind of sad.

It’s not my child is going to kindergarten for the first time kind of sad.

It’s not my child is going to middle school for the first time kind of sad.
(Middle school pictures are hard to find.)

It’s not my child is going to high school for the first time kind of sad. (She wouldn't stand in front of the IHS sign like I wanted her to on the first day of high school.)

It’s not my child is going to graduate kind of sad.

It doesn't feel like any of those days.

It’s a... I’m going to leave my daughter in a hotel room in a town she doesn’t know kind of sad.

Yuck! I guess it's slightly better then the Days Inn on Dickerson Road. (I stole that line from Radke.)

Because there aren't enough dorm rooms kind of sad.

It’s a... I can’t unpack her and get her all settled kind of sad.

It’s a... I can’t organize and label all of her stuff kind of sad.

It's a...I can’t put her pink and brown sheets that match her pink and brown striped comforter on her extra long twin bed kind of sad.
It's a...I can’t put her pink and brown striped rug on the cold dorm room floor kind of sad.

Those are all just things that needed to be done. By me. For her. To make me feel better. To make me feel in control when I drive away and leave her there.

And then there is the sleep. The change of sleeping in a house that doesn’t have my child, in a bed, down the hall kind of sad.

And then there is the change. The change of when she does come back home she will look older and be much wiser. She will be influenced by teachers that I’ve never laid eyes on. She will hang out with people that she hasn’t known since the first grade. She will be different then she is today. She might even, heaven forbid, become a Democrat. There’s no way of knowing these things. (No offense to the democrats. God loves you too.)

It’s not all happening like I planned it in my head. Like I needed it to be. And I am sad, oh, yes I am. Sad I am.

P.S. Please don’t leave me a comment in a form of poem that reads: mother’s hold their children’s hands blah…blah…blah..for a short while…but their hearts 4 ever blah blah blah…you get the picture. I will throw up all in your inbox if you do.

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NC said...

All I have to say is I am sad for you! How about "The best thing you can do for your children is give them roots and wings". HA HA HA! I couldn't resist! I just wanted to make you laugh so please don't throw up all over my inbox! There is not much there to begin with and I think throw up may really defer people away! :) LOVE YOU!

Erin said...

I'm sad for you, too, Big Nanny. When I left for college, I cried and cried for a long time. I'm sure she misses you too.

Me said...

No way should turns have taught her right and wrong.


Teresa said...

First, you should definitely throw up in Cole's inbox because she was warned and she refused to listen.

Second, I too am sad for you. You're making me think a little too much about how quickly this day will come for me. Thanks for that.

Third, I really, really like the comforter! Very cute and sassy.

I'm praying for you today with much love and little understanding. Love you my friend!

Me said...

Praying for you today, Big Nanny!

Teresa said...

Well, He certainly showed off for you today now didn't He? I love it!!! I'm glad you're getting a little laughter through your tears. You deserve it!

Four Better or Worse!?!?! said...

You made me sad too thinking about all these babies running off to become big kids . . . and they are not even my babies. I am sure Andrea will miss you and all of our old people embarrassing things we do to her. I hope you get a photo of her on her nicely made bed with her rug on the floor! Tell her she must let you.

Sonja said...

Just keep telling yourself," I really don't look old enough to be sending a kid to college." That, in time, will be a comfort to you :) because, really, you don't.

Erin said...

Wow, that's awesome! Just in the nick of time. Now Andrea will have something cool to share with her new roommate about how God worked it all out. And you can take comfort in a safe place of residence for her where she'll be sure to get the full college experience.

Ashley said...

Okay... you are brave... and you have a brave daughter... and I am hardly brave enough to read this.

AND you must tell her that a picture of her in her dorm room with her new roomie is non-negotiable!!!

YEAH GOD for answering prayers... yesterday and I know He will do the same today.

Kari said...

It is definitely a time to be sad, but thankfully God answered your prayers and you can do all those special things that Moms like to do. Your democrat remark made me laugh out loud. Let's hope that doesn't happen...again no offense to those who are democrats. I'll be thinking of you today and this weekend.

Sumer said...

I am praying for you today!

Anonymous said...

thinking of you today....

Tonya Lee said...

You're making me cry, and I've cried enough this week! As I was reading this post Ashton popped up and started singing, "I never want to be away from you mommy" and I cried some more. Thanks for helping me appreciate that moment instead of shush her!!! Because I'm sure being a role model will make you feel all better, blah blah blah!

Anonymous said...

Praise the Lord for the dorm room.
I sure hope the tofu (sp?) took your mind off of everything! ;) Well, I know you Big Nanny, so I would say your cute, sassy outfit took your mind off of everything! You trained her right. Now reap your blessings, mama!
Thanks for including us in the prayers. God even cares about old dorm room details of our lives!


Wags said...

Yay for the good news!

If my mom were leaving you a post, it would probably say something like "at least she's staying in the same state and not 13 hours away and didn't even look back when you pulled out of the parking lot."

that's what wags did to her mama.

I'll tell Reese to save some consolatory kisses for BigNanny when we get home.

Tammy said...

Awwww, Big Nanny. I am sad for you too.

I remember when my folks dropped me off in the middle of nowhere, Alabama and refused to come get me when I asked. So I was forced to attend a college that changed my life forever and made friendships that have lasted a lifetime.

I hope the same for your college gal!

Tammy said...

Oh yea, and I have a vivid recollection of an 80's ugly style comforter set my first college roommate and I had. U-G-L-Y.

The brown and pink is WAY cuter!

KellyRose said...

GO GOLDEN EAGLES!! She will love it and if/when she needs you, you are just a hop and skip away. :)

Melissa Lee said...

Okay, so you have like 48 people praying for you.

And 37 crying with you.

So I'm going about this totally different. (Becuase if it were my post you would do the exact same thing. And have.)

Quit crying.
Get dressed.
Go to Target.
And make that girls room a home gym.


Griffith Family of Texas said...

You left her well decorated with so many years of wisdom and prayers. Can't wrap my mind around leaving your child at college. You and your baby are in my prayers.


Petts Allowed said...

Well-- I'm now a LIVE blog commenter--thanks to big Nanny herself!!She was always annoyed that I commented on her email-cause I am tech challenged-- but she got me all hooked up!! So, now everyone can read my sometimes sarcastic comments!

I was hoping I'd be leaving my first comment on a funny hotdog blog--but it's a sad one-- mostly cause it's hitting to close to home!!
So, give me somethin' funny to work with-before I cry!!

Laura said...

I'm sad for you too and my kids are 9, 7, 6, 4 and just goes too fast!