Thursday, January 29, 2009

Let's get our praise on...

I recently purchased a PraiseBaby CD, and I don’t have a baby. Yes, you heard me, I don’t have a baby, and I ordered a CD specifically made for the melodious liking of sweet baby ears. Yes, I just said sweet baby ears because I love me some baby ears. Oh, and I like baby feet too. I could eat me some baby feet every day of the week.

You can read the rest over at, click here.

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Monday, January 26, 2009

Beauty Product Edition 2: These crows need to keep their feet off my face.

I feel better now that I’ve said that. Yes, I have a crow’s foot. That’s what I’m calling it right now. Singular, a foot, as in one. A crow has stepped on the outside of my right eye and left an impression. A permanent one. I’ve tried to ignore it and pretend it’s not there but every time I look in the mirror…it’s there. And every time I look at this picture…it’s there.

And yes, I did photoshop some zits off this picture, but I did leave the scar that's in the center of my forehead because I didn't want to seem fake looking. When I was about 8 years old, I was playing with a baton and the rubber tips had worn off. Let's just say, there is a reason they put those rubber tips on the ends of a baton. Forehead + metal object = scar.

Anyhoo, today I need your help! I've made a trip up to the CVS, and I was overwhelmed by my wrinkle reduction choices. So, what are you using to fight the signs of aging? Please don't leave any remarks about growing old gracefully...blah, blah, blah!

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Saturday, January 17, 2009

Neti-Pots are snot for sissies

The Neti-Pot is snot my friend.

I was watching Oprah one day. This was before I gave up Oprah.

Sidebar: I would also like to insert here that I gave up Oprah way back in March, but when CraftiMama was here she wanted to watch the Oprah’s favorite things show so I fell off the wagon. CraftiMama is obviously a very bad influence. It was the worst favorite things show ever. Instead of giving away really fun prizes, she had people doing homemade stuff like cooking. Needless to say, I fell asleep during the show, and my brain did not have to hold any unnecessary cooking information.

Anyhoo, Oprah had on her good friend Dr. Oz, and he introduced the Neti-Pot to America. For those of you who don’t know who Dr. Oz is, I’m going to give you a brief description of who I think he is…

He is a cardiothoracic surgeon ( I used to do medical transcription so I can spell me some big medical terms) and author. He practices medicine in NYC. Oprah has him on once a week or so to ask him the questions that Americans want to ask their very own doctor but are afraid to ask. The questions range from the somewhat embarrassing “female” issues or the always uncomfortable “digestive” issues. He always answers the questions in an everyday language that most people can understand and seems completely comfortable talking about said “digestive” issues. So basically, he comes on Oprah to talk about poop.

So, he introduced the Neti-Pot and had a lady on the show do a live demonstration. She said it worked great. I was feeling a little stuffy at the time so I thought I would give it a try. Lawnmower Man found me a coupon online and we were off to the Walgreen’s to buy the latest gadget that was going to change my nasal passages. And yes, Shawn Hanks, I got a better deal then you got because we paid less than $10 bucks for the little plastic tea pot.

So I was off to the bathroom to mix up my warm water and saline packet into my little teapot that was truly, short and stout. I will now provide you with a YouTube video so that you can see how to use a Neti-Pot properly.

So, I did that, but I missed a very important step. I will fill you in on that in just a minute. I used the Neti-Pot around 5ish, and I felt like things were clean and clear. I was off to meet Tracey and Andrea for dinner at Chili's. At some point during dinner, I felt the need to share about Oprah's latest product push and my experience with using it a couple hours earlier. They had never heard or seen this sinus cleansing device and asked several questions.

After dinner, we were off to the Marble Slab Creamery to get our recommended daily allowance of calcium. I had placed my order and needed to pay. I had my purse sitting slightly to my right and had bent my head slightly forward to look for my money. When I bent my head down, water came pouring, yes, I said: POURING! out of my nose and on to the counter. I immediately started placing my left hand over my nose and motioned franctically for a paper towel holder that I could see on my right. That's when Tracey looked at me and said, "Is that from your nose thing?!" I was doing lots of yesing with my head and having that I can't believe this is happening to me and I have nose drainage all over the Marble Slab counter. I quickly cleaned off the counter, paid my money and got the heck out of there. All of this nonsense was followed by hysterical laughter that would reappear at regular intervals throughout the evening.

You may have noticed on the video that after the woman does her Neti-Pot cleansing, she does some bending and stretching. Lesson #1-Go to youtube and watch an instructional video before using new products. Lesson #2-Neti-Pot usuage should be followed by a complete bend over/head tilt before leaving the house.

Needless to say, the Neti-Pot is snot my friend.

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