Here are a few things you have to know about the hair bow mafia:
- You need to have a child that will cooperate with the placing of large bows on head.
- You need to have a child that has a head large enough to balance said bow on head.
- It looks best if your child has hair. Have no fear! I can help you even if your child doesn’t have hair.
- You might need to be willing to spank your child if she pulls the bow out of her hair.
- You need to understand color matching. A handy dandy color wheel might be helpful.
- You need to understand head to bow ratio. Some choose not to adhere to this rule and these people are usually the “boss” of the hair bow mafia.
- You need to understand how to properly organize the hair bows. Hair bow mafia members never have their child sportin’ crushed grosgrain.
And now I will share some pictures to serve as a handy dandy reference manual:
Picture One: Big Bow Perfection. By the size of the bow you can tell that I was a "boss" in the hair bow mafia. In this picture all the above rules are being followed in accordance to the guidelines of the hair bow mafia's official reference manual which you will never be able to find on the real live internet. (I'm breaking all sorts of rules with the publishing of these here materials.)
I quickly became a member of the hair bow mafia when I gave birth to the Medium Nanny. She had a full head of hair and I was going to christen that package of almost black hair with the biggest pink hair bow I could find. My SIL suggested that I try one of those new baby headbands (it was 1990 people and they were on trend) and I smugly told her that my baby would not be a needin' one of those because those were for bald babies. My baby wasn't bald. She had plenty of hair for bow attachment. No headbands for my baby. End.of.story.
The year was 1997 and I was expecting my Lil'Nanny. I quickly made tons of pink clothing purchases, and I even found the secret bow warehouse at Coolsprings. Yes, this is a real place. I purchased all the essential colors in a nice medium size. My baby would have tons of hair and she would wear bows of an appropriate size to showcase her full head of hair. Yep, I had a plan.
And then she was born...
Meet my not so big haired baby
(Please don't make fun of my baby. She had horrible eczema all winter long and it was not her fault that she looked like a boy.
Don't try and tell me that she looks like a girl. Place your finger over that bow and then try to tell me that.)
Now I will show you some children that are not my own. These children have mothers who are current card carrying members of the hair bow mafia.
Picture 6: Caroline. Her mother is in the hair bow mafia training program. She received her essential training tools this past Sunday, bows in various sizes and some fancy bow holders.
Stay tuned! Next time I'll share about another organization within the organization: The Baby Shower Mafia.