Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Hair Bow Mafia

I’ve mentioned before about being an honorary member of the young mommy mafia. There are divisions in the young mommy mafia and today I would like to share with you one of the organizations within the organization. So if you have a daughter or if you are expecting one, today I will tell you about the infamous hair bow mafia. If you weren’t born into this family, you may need this primer to assist you with the techniques.

Here are a few things you have to know about the hair bow mafia:

  • You need to have a child that will cooperate with the placing of large bows on head.
  • You need to have a child that has a head large enough to balance said bow on head.
  • It looks best if your child has hair. Have no fear! I can help you even if your child doesn’t have hair.
  • You might need to be willing to spank your child if she pulls the bow out of her hair.
  • You need to understand color matching. A handy dandy color wheel might be helpful.
  • You need to understand head to bow ratio. Some choose not to adhere to this rule and these people are usually the “boss” of the hair bow mafia.
  • You need to understand how to properly organize the hair bows. Hair bow mafia members never have their child sportin’ crushed grosgrain.

And now I will share some pictures to serve as a handy dandy reference manual:

Picture One: Big Bow Perfection. By the size of the bow you can tell that I was a "boss" in the hair bow mafia. In this picture all the above rules are being followed in accordance to the guidelines of the hair bow mafia's official reference manual which you will never be able to find on the real live internet. (I'm breaking all sorts of rules with the publishing of these here materials.)

I quickly became a member of the hair bow mafia when I gave birth to the Medium Nanny. She had a full head of hair and I was going to christen that package of almost black hair with the biggest pink hair bow I could find. My SIL suggested that I try one of those new baby headbands (it was 1990 people and they were on trend) and I smugly told her that my baby would not be a needin' one of those because those were for bald babies. My baby wasn't bald. She had plenty of hair for bow attachment. No headbands for my baby. End.of.story.


The year was 1997 and I was expecting my Lil'Nanny. I quickly made tons of pink clothing purchases, and I even found the secret bow warehouse at Coolsprings. Yes, this is a real place. I purchased all the essential colors in a nice medium size. My baby would have tons of hair and she would wear bows of an appropriate size to showcase her full head of hair. Yep, I had a plan.

And then she was born...

Meet my not so big haired baby

Picture Two: One Month Old-this is a picture of my Lil'Nanny with the most pitiful bow on her head. I took her to church with one of those brain musher bows on her head. I like to call this picture Big Nanny Eating Humble Pie.

(Please don't make fun of my baby. She had horrible eczema all winter long and it was not her fault that she looked like a boy.
Don't try and tell me that she looks like a girl. Place your finger over that bow and then try to tell me that.)

Picture 3: Lil'Nanny at 6 months. I finally found a headband with a large bow. This would be the appropriate solution if you have a bald baby girl. Was this necessary? Absolutely. Every time I took this baby to the BILO everyone that shopped in that store told me how cute he was. We all know that the Lil'Nanny now has a fabulous head of hair and if you didn't know that...she will be glad to tell you. She would also tell you that when she turns thirteen she will be painting a big ol' box of highlights on that head of hers. Tonight I caught her doing a hair commercial in the mirror. I'm.not.kidding. And although I do have several pictures of her sportin' a big, fat Minnie Mouse bow on her head, she never owned it. It was never her style. Having this girl got me kicked out of the hair bow mafia.

Now I will show you some children that are not my own. These children have mothers who are current card carrying members of the hair bow mafia.

Picture 4: LizaBelle. Has a great head of hair and perfect head to bow ratio. Color of bow contrasted with the dark hair. Excellent choice.

Picture 5: Sophie. Do you see the size of that bow? Her mother is a "boss" in the hair bow mafia. No doubt about it. The brown and pink color combo is always a hit.

Picture 6: Caroline. Her mother is in the hair bow mafia training program. She received her essential training tools this past Sunday, bows in various sizes and some fancy bow holders.

Stay tuned! Next time I'll share about another organization within the organization: The Baby Shower Mafia.

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Mamaw said...

Love the Mafia pictures. I told you MJ taught LN Everything she knows next it will be the microwave I'm not sure she can see herself yet in yours. Brian can hook her up with highlights. I just always want to put one in DB
hair but Luke had one in his like Brianna one night when Carol stopped by.Nana said he wore it for a while. Love you

NC said...

There are those of us who didn't care if there little girl only had three strands of hair until she was 3 years old. You pull those three strands together and MAKE that bow stay in! And yes, EVERYONE thought my little bow wearing girl was a boy even in pink head to toe! I miss the bows! :(

Erin said...

I think I'm ALMOST in this club. While I enjoy the bows, I prefer them on the small to medium size. And I'm pretty sure I'd get kicked out of the mafia for those plastic clips that I use to hold Morgan's bangs back!

Amanda Pilkinton said...

I am cracking up! You are too funny!

Wags said...

This is one of those things that defines your mommyness in my family. My sister used to GLUE bows onto EG's bald head. My grandma would kill you if she caught a headband on a kid. "How would YOU like wearing one of those?" she'd say. "That just can't be comfortable for them." and she'd rip it right off...

While Reese has always had a bow in her hair, my sister only recently informed me that I was way behind in size... so we jumped up about four sizes. Probably explains why her necks always tilting a little to the right now... :)

And OH YES, you smack a hand when that bow comes out. Next time you see my girl, ask her where her hairbow is. If she plays her trick correctly she'll touch it, think about it for a second, then put her hand back down. If she figures out organic mommy isn't watching... out it will come and probably head straight for her mouth.

Our Family said...

So I may not be a current member of the hair bow mafia, but I am totally supporting my sistas in that branch. Love the post and the pics!

Sumer said...

It makes me a little sad to not be a part of this group...but also a little glad because I hear those bows aren't cheap.

Kari said...

One would think that I'd be a card-carrying member of such a group with two girls, but sadly, I must admit, I'm probably not. I'm not much for the bows that are bigger than the girls wearing them. I prefer a small to medium sized bow like Erin.

I put my best Martha skills to work and bought ribbons, clippies, and wire, and set out to make a bunch of bows on my own because I enjoy a good craft project and I thought I'd surely save some money. Sumer, you're right, they're not cheap. Well, I have some bows, and they're cute, but after the time it required to get it just right for my perfectionist self and the hot glue gun burns, I think I'll just be buying some in the near future. Or maybe I'll try again because I do not like to be defeated in a craft project.

Kari said...

Also, I'm sorry Organic Mommy, but I won't be smacking Reese's hand if she takes her bow out in my Sunday School class. I'll gladly put it back in though. :)

Tonya Lee said...

This post makes me sad as we are in our last few precious hairbow months. I see the end of the road since Ashton is now 5 and preferring trendy headbands. I keep sticking them in her hair and using my excited voice to tell her she has a matching bow, but soon I'll be kicked oout of the mafia and sleeping with the fishes!

Petts Allowed said...

That little girl named sophie would on most days yank that bow out of her hair and hand it to me last year in preschool!Sometimes before Mommy got to the end of the hall!( I must say that was easier than looking for it out in the mulch) I always tried to make sure it was back in before mommy picked her up. I think she may be trying to "escape" "THE FAMILY"!! kathi

Melissa Lee said...

I prefer a sassy haircut and an attitude to match.

KellyRose said...

One day, big nanny, one day...I too will be a part of hairbow mafia. I am holding out hope that Lila will not be sporting the female mullet for too much longer!

Griffith Family of Texas said...

We were lead members in the hair bow mafia when Grace had a beautiful head of blonde curls. Then Sister found the scissors and cut it all off- I kid not. Had to go to the hair dresser and get a crew cut. Needless to say- we were out of the hair bow mafia!! Hair has grown back and she occassionally indulges me with a bow in her locks. But the other day she told me not to do a particular style that was too babyish. Our hair bow days are coming to an end!! Sad, so sad.

Ashley said...

We wear them LOUD and PROUD!!!

Kyla said...

I hate that I will never be a part of the mafia. I have two beautiful girls whoboth hate to wear bows...why God? Why did you not give me boys???? I am such a failure!

Jenn said...

I just love it. I would like to use the hair bow mafia rules. Are they yours or did you find them somewhere else? Pardon my ignorance, I just didn't know if it was something you made up or used from elsewhere. Would you email me about it?

Thanks a bunch!!

Amanda said...

That is too cute and too funny!