Saturday, January 17, 2009

Neti-Pots are snot for sissies

The Neti-Pot is snot my friend.

I was watching Oprah one day. This was before I gave up Oprah.

Sidebar: I would also like to insert here that I gave up Oprah way back in March, but when CraftiMama was here she wanted to watch the Oprah’s favorite things show so I fell off the wagon. CraftiMama is obviously a very bad influence. It was the worst favorite things show ever. Instead of giving away really fun prizes, she had people doing homemade stuff like cooking. Needless to say, I fell asleep during the show, and my brain did not have to hold any unnecessary cooking information.

Anyhoo, Oprah had on her good friend Dr. Oz, and he introduced the Neti-Pot to America. For those of you who don’t know who Dr. Oz is, I’m going to give you a brief description of who I think he is…

He is a cardiothoracic surgeon ( I used to do medical transcription so I can spell me some big medical terms) and author. He practices medicine in NYC. Oprah has him on once a week or so to ask him the questions that Americans want to ask their very own doctor but are afraid to ask. The questions range from the somewhat embarrassing “female” issues or the always uncomfortable “digestive” issues. He always answers the questions in an everyday language that most people can understand and seems completely comfortable talking about said “digestive” issues. So basically, he comes on Oprah to talk about poop.

So, he introduced the Neti-Pot and had a lady on the show do a live demonstration. She said it worked great. I was feeling a little stuffy at the time so I thought I would give it a try. Lawnmower Man found me a coupon online and we were off to the Walgreen’s to buy the latest gadget that was going to change my nasal passages. And yes, Shawn Hanks, I got a better deal then you got because we paid less than $10 bucks for the little plastic tea pot.

So I was off to the bathroom to mix up my warm water and saline packet into my little teapot that was truly, short and stout. I will now provide you with a YouTube video so that you can see how to use a Neti-Pot properly.

So, I did that, but I missed a very important step. I will fill you in on that in just a minute. I used the Neti-Pot around 5ish, and I felt like things were clean and clear. I was off to meet Tracey and Andrea for dinner at Chili's. At some point during dinner, I felt the need to share about Oprah's latest product push and my experience with using it a couple hours earlier. They had never heard or seen this sinus cleansing device and asked several questions.

After dinner, we were off to the Marble Slab Creamery to get our recommended daily allowance of calcium. I had placed my order and needed to pay. I had my purse sitting slightly to my right and had bent my head slightly forward to look for my money. When I bent my head down, water came pouring, yes, I said: POURING! out of my nose and on to the counter. I immediately started placing my left hand over my nose and motioned franctically for a paper towel holder that I could see on my right. That's when Tracey looked at me and said, "Is that from your nose thing?!" I was doing lots of yesing with my head and having that I can't believe this is happening to me and I have nose drainage all over the Marble Slab counter. I quickly cleaned off the counter, paid my money and got the heck out of there. All of this nonsense was followed by hysterical laughter that would reappear at regular intervals throughout the evening.

You may have noticed on the video that after the woman does her Neti-Pot cleansing, she does some bending and stretching. Lesson #1-Go to youtube and watch an instructional video before using new products. Lesson #2-Neti-Pot usuage should be followed by a complete bend over/head tilt before leaving the house.

Needless to say, the Neti-Pot is snot my friend.

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Me said...

Don't be a Neti-hater. I ended up indifferent. It has not been great but no horror stories either.


Teresa said...

It's about time!! And yes, I'm laughing hysterically out loud all by my lonesome here in Dave's office. This story just never gets old.

Jessica said...

You know how I feel, Big Nanny. It didn't come out of my nose, but my EYES. Never, ever again. I pity the fool who likes the Neti.

Ashley said...

I laughed out loud, AGAIN!!!

Nicole @ Four Real said...

It never gets old and still makes me crack up laughing. The visual and hearing Tracey asking you kills me!

Melissa said...

You crack me up! I am so glad I have found your blog and learn a whole different side you I would have never seen at church! I love you siesta!


RE said...

Thanks for starting my day with laugh. The video brings the story to a different level. I can't wait to show Rob.

Kari said...

That's absolutely hilarious. When the Geek recently went to the doctor for the second time in two weeks, his doctor actually recommended the Neti. I told him to do some research first before he jumps on that bandwagon.

Mamaw said...

Love you and the pot story.
And the daughter said, The mother beguiled me, and I did watch.RUDE the BSB version. And when you find faithful in your bible just think of AS's dad who uses the pot faithfully every morning since they came out that is the little pot. He'd made a good endorsement
for the pot but WELL not you.OK enough said about the pot all of them. I want to know if at the Creamery the next person in line was greeted with Welcome to
the Creamery but don't get SNOTTY. And you should have told the people to clorox the place. RUDE
lve you,me

Me said...

I used to be a Marble Slab girl, and I'm here to tell you they probably didn't clorox that side of the counter. Only the marble gets the special treatment.